https://www.desireokc.com https://www.desireokc.com/why-i-dont-do-sales-calls-and-why-my-clients-still-say-yes <div data-rss-type="text"> <p> <span> The last two weeks have been a deep unraveling for me. I’ve been letting go of the fear that I’m “manipulating people on a sales call” or “causing harm.” It wasn’t easy. I was flooded with conflicting thoughts. </span> </p> <p> <br/> </p> <p> <span> But here’s what I realized: <br/> I don’t need to say or do anything manipulative, salesy, or coercive. At all. </span> </p> <p> <br/> </p> <p> <span> My issue with sales calls is simple: <br/> People are taught to use scripts, “transformational coaching language,” and “unconscious belief” tactics to pressure people into buying programs they’re not ready for. </span> </p> <p> <br/> </p> <p> <span> I refuse to do that. </span> </p> <p> <br/> </p> <p> <span> What I’ve seen is this: <br/> When someone is truly ready for spiritual, erotic, or somatic growth work, they don’t push back on my fee. They don’t need convincing. They eagerly pay to learn the skills I teach. </span> </p> <p> <br/> </p> <p> <span> And in the last two weeks? </span> </p> <ul> <li> <span> I sold four intensives </span> </li> <li> <span> I was invited to speak at a retreat </span> </li> <li> <span> I didn’t use a single manipulative tactic </span> </li> </ul> <p> <br/> </p> <p> <span> All I did was: </span> </p> <ul> <li> <span> Answer their questions </span> </li> <li> <span> Validate their struggle and their desires </span> </li> <li> <span> Tell them how I could help </span> </li> <li> <span> Assume they were going to buy </span> </li> <li> <span> Ask, “How many hours do you want, and when?” </span> </li> </ul> <p> <br/> </p> <p> <span> Two intensives were 12 hours each. <br/> One was 2 hours. <br/> One was 4 hours. </span> </p> <p> <br/> </p> <p> <span> No pressure. No scripts. No shame. </span> </p> <p> <span> Just alignment. </span> </p> <p> <br/> </p> <h3> <span> This is what happens when I work the way I’m meant to work. </span> </h3> <p> <span> I’m in true alignment with my values and my clients. <br/> I’m attracting people who are ready to invest in themselves without being pushed. <br/> I’m happier than I’ve ever been. <br/> I’m relaxed. <br/> I’m in flow. </span> </p> <p> <span> <span>  </span> </span> </p> <p> <span> And I’m going to keep showing up in my authentic way — because it works. </span> </p> <p> <span> <br/> </span> <span> <br/> </span> </p> </div> Tue, 17 Mar 2026 16:30:24 GMT https://www.desireokc.com/why-i-dont-do-sales-calls-and-why-my-clients-still-say-yes thumbnail main image https://www.desireokc.com/when-make-more-money-became-the-wrong-goal <div data-rss-type="text"> <p> <span> About five years ago, I looked around and saw everyone shouting the same thing: Make more money. Make more money. <br/> UGH. Yes, we all want money — but is that really the true desire? </span> </p> <p> <span> <span>  </span> </span> </p> <p> <span> That year, without even realizing it, I made $180,000. I was seeing an average of 35 clients a week, with 40–45 on the books. People late-canceled, no-showed, and I was exhausted. I wasn’t happy. I didn’t feel successful. I didn’t even know I’d made that much money until I did my taxes the next year. </span> </p> <p> <br/> </p> <p> <span> I was grasping at what I thought I valued: money and success. <br/> But those aren’t my values at all. </span> </p> <p> <br/> </p> <p> <span> My real values? <br/> Freedom. Authenticity. Generosity. Love and connection. Being of service. Empowering others. </span> </p> <p> <span> So I decided maybe I wanted to “work smarter, not harder.” I hired my first business coach. </span> </p> <p> <br/> </p> <p> <span> Turns out… she had a one-size-fits-all approach. It was a major waste of money. But I did learn something important: what doesn’t work for me. I often get clarity from the unaligned suggestions people give me. That contrast is useful. </span> </p> <p> <br/> </p> <p> <span> I also learned that most business coaches and social media experts have no idea how to market my work. I’m the one telling them what keywords to use. They make big promises and don’t follow through. </span> </p> <p> <span> <br/> How many times have I heard, “I’ll personally help you build your funnels,” only to receive templates for chiropractors and medspas? <br/> Umm… what? </span> </p> <p> <span> And funnels? I have yet to see one actually work for my kind of work. </span> </p> <p> <span> <br/> </span> </p> <h3> <span> What I’ve learned over the last five years </span> </h3> <p> <br/> </p> <ul> <li> <span> I don’t want to work with large groups. It drains me. </span> </li> <li> <span> My classes will never be more than 10 people in person, and online I cap at 20. </span> </li> <li> <span> I want to offer individual care, not mass-produced transformation. </span> </li> <li> <span> My desire for freedom, authenticity, and grace shapes how I work and who I attract. </span> </li> <li> <span> I entered a greedy stage for a while — and it blocked me. </span> </li> <li> <span> Generosity is one of my core values. If I’m charging more than I’d pay for my own care, I’m out of alignment. </span> </li> </ul> <p> <br/> </p> <p> <span> I value a personal approach. I value meeting people where they are and gently helping them move beyond their resistance. I don’t need to manipulate anyone into buying my programs. My ideal clients are ready. They’re eager. They want to expand from desire and possibility, not fear and pressure. </span> </p> <p> <br/> </p> <p> <span> I’m not solving problems for people — I’m empowering them to find pleasure, confidence, and self-advocacy. I teach people to have a relationship with sensation and pleasure. To love themselves. To speak their desires in ways that invite connection. </span> </p> <p> <span> My ultimate desire is for my clients to feel as good in their bodies and about their sexual expression as I do. There’s no monetary value you can place on that. </span> </p> <p> <br/> </p> <p> <span> People tell me I’ll never be rich. That my revenue will always be limited. They say it like it’s an insult — like I’m a silly woman. </span> </p> <p> <span> I disagree. </span> </p> <p> <br/> </p> <p> <span> I am rich in life and love. <br/> I am rich in my lack of internalized shame and regret. <br/> And that is worth more than any funnel. </span> <span> <br/> </span> </p> </div> Tue, 17 Mar 2026 16:27:27 GMT https://www.desireokc.com/when-make-more-money-became-the-wrong-goal thumbnail main image https://www.desireokc.com/sacrifice <div data-rss-type="text"> <p> <span> As a relationship therapist and coach, I often encounter stories from both men and women who feel victimized by their partners. While some cases involve genuine harm, many examples revolve around self-imposed sacrifices—acts made without the other person even requesting them. I frequently hear about unspoken truths and unexpressed desires. </span> </p> <p> <span> <br/> </span> </p> <p> <span> Women often use the word “sacrifice”, claiming they’ve given up so much for their partners. However, when asked whether their partner explicitly requested these sacrifices, they usually admit that no such request was made. In reality, their partners didn’t deny their desires; the women denied themselves. They chose to: </span> </p> <p> <span> <br/> </span> </p> <ul> <li> <span> Reduce contact with friends </span> <span> <span> to prioritize family time. </span> </span> </li> </ul> <p> <span> <br/> </span> </p> <ul> <li> <span> <span> Forego careers or education </span> </span> <span> due to perceived limitations. </span> </li> </ul> <p> <span> <br/> </span> </p> <ul> <li> <span> <span> Avoid playing favorite songs </span> </span> <span> because of their partner’s preferences. </span> </li> </ul> <p> <span> <br/> </span> </p> <p> <span> <br/> </span> </p> <p> <span> <br/> </span> </p> <p> <span> Why do we interpret someone's dislike of our choices as a mandate to change our entire lives? Some women inadvertently limit themselves based on others' preferences and then blame those others. Here’s the truth; no one forces you to change–you made that choice. </span> </p> <p> <span> <br/> </span> </p> <p> <span> <br/> </span> </p> <p> <span> <br/> </span> </p> <p> <span> As mothers, we must indeed need to be loving, attentive, nurturing, and supportive. However, this does not mean sacrificing our individuality. Our music, clothing, and entertainment preferences are a part of who we are. Let’s reject the notion that being a good parent requires suppressing our truest selves. </span> <span> <br/> </span> </p> </div> Thu, 28 Mar 2024 18:53:08 GMT https://www.desireokc.com/sacrifice thumbnail main image https://www.desireokc.com/embrace-your-inner-goddess <div data-rss-type="text"> <p> <span> As we celebrate International Women's Day, it's the perfect time to reflect on the incredible strength, resilience, and beauty that resides within each and every one of us. Today, we honor the women who came before us, paving the way for our rights and freedoms, and we celebrate the women who stand beside us, forging paths of empowerment and inspiration. </span> </p> <p> <br/> </p> <p> <span> In the spirit of this momentous occasion, I invite you to embark on a journey of self-discovery and empowerment – a journey that will awaken your inner goddess and unleash the boundless power that lies within you. </span> </p> <p> <br/> </p> <p> <span> Too often, we find ourselves stifled by societal expectations and the pressures of everyday life. We suppress our desires, silence our voices, and dim our light in fear of judgment or rejection. But now, my dear sisters, it's time to reclaim our power and embrace our true selves unapologetically. </span> </p> <p> <br/> </p> <p> <span> In our world of endless distractions and noise, it's easy to lose sight of who we are and what we truly desire. But deep within each of us lies a sacred wellspring of wisdom and intuition – our inner goddess – waiting to be awakened and heard. </span> </p> <p> <br/> </p> <p> <br/> </p> <p> <span> On April 17th, I will begin my 12-week online women's course. Here, we will work together to learn to speak your deepest desires, embrace your sensuality, and reclaim your power with courage and grace. </span> </p> <p> <br/> </p> <p> <span> So, my dear sisters, I urge you to seize this moment and embrace the goddess within you. Let your light shine brightly and your voice be heard. Together, we can create a world where every woman feels empowered to live her truth and express her desires freely. </span> </p> <p> <br/> </p> <p> <span> Join me on this empowering journey and awaken the goddess within. Together, we will rise. </span> </p> <p> <br/> </p> <p> <br/> </p> </div> Wed, 06 Mar 2024 04:46:47 GMT https://www.desireokc.com/embrace-your-inner-goddess thumbnail main image https://www.desireokc.com/love-means-learning-to-embrace <div data-rss-type="text"> <h3> <span> The Misconception of Love: Why Demanding Change from Your Partner is Not the Answer </span> </h3> </div> <div data-rss-type="text"> <p> <span> <span> In many relationships, one common issue that arises is the desire for partners to change certain behaviors that cause frustration or upset. It's easy to fall into the trap of believing that if your partner truly loved you, they would make permanent changes to accommodate your wishes. However, what many fail to understand is the dynamic at play when it comes to asking someone to alter their natural selves. </span> </span> </p> <p> <br/> </p> <p> <span> When you identify something about your partner that bothers you and demand change, you're essentially asking them to alter their natural selves. Initially, they may try to accommodate your wishes. But after a few weeks, they often revert back to their original behavior. Why does this happen? </span> </p> <p> <span>   </span> </p> <p> <span> Consider this: when they first attempted to change, they were conscious of their behavior. They made an effort because they love you and wanted to please you. However, as time passed, stress or overwhelm might have caused them to forget about this conscious effort. Perhaps they didn't receive the reward or acknowledgment from you that they needed. </span> </p> <p> <br/> </p> <p> <span> <span> Love isn't about demanding change; it's about understanding, acceptance, and embracing the entirety of your partner's being. So, next time you find yourself wanting your partner to change, pause and reflect on what true love really means. It's time to shift the focus from demanding change to embracing who they are at their core. </span> </span> </p> <p> <br/> </p> <p> <span> Love is about acceptance, not transformation. </span> </p> </div> Wed, 28 Feb 2024 06:28:31 GMT https://www.desireokc.com/love-means-learning-to-embrace thumbnail main image https://www.desireokc.com/embracing-eros <div data-rss-type="text"> <p> <span> “In order to play full out in life, we must be willing to take responsibility for ourselves and our lives”. </span> </p> </div> <div data-rss-type="text"> <p> <span> Embracing Eros: A Valentine’s Day Celebration </span> </p> <p> <span> <br/> </span> </p> <p> <span> For my beloved clients, as Valentine's Day approaches, it is essential to embrace the essence of Eros - the Greek God of Love who embodies passion, desire, and profound connection. In our journey through life, embracing eros allows us to play full out, taking responsibility for ourselves and our destinies. Just as the myth of Eros and Psyche showcases the transformative power of love, let us elevate this celebration beyond romantic clichés and into the realms of playfulness, passion, naughtiness, self-awareness, and authentic communication of desires. By honoring Eros in our relationships, we ignite the flames of desire, deepen our connection, and embrace the profound beauty of love that transcends time. This Valentine's Day, let us embody the spirit of Eros and revel in the boundless joy and fulfillment it brings. </span> </p> <p> <br/> </p> <p> <span> With Love and Curiousity, </span> </p> <p> <span> Charity </span> </p> </div> Wed, 14 Feb 2024 19:47:53 GMT https://www.desireokc.com/embracing-eros thumbnail main image https://www.desireokc.com/the-power-of-grace <div data-rss-type="text"> <p> <span> Patience is a virtue; virtue is a grace. </span> </p> <p> <span> - </span> <span> Jacob Rees-Mogg </span> </p> <p> <span> <br/> </span> </p> <p> <span>  When it comes to relationships, it is crucial to extend grace not only to our partners but also to ourselves. No one is perfect, and it's unreasonable to expect our loved ones to read our minds. The truth is, there will be times when our needs clash, and that is not inherently wrong; it's simply a fact of human nature. In these challenging moments, showing grace is the key to fostering a lasting relationship. </span> </p> <p> <span> <br/> </span> </p> <p> <span>  Equally important is the concept of showing up for our partners in the way we desire them to show up for us. Many individuals conduct themselves one way while expecting a great deal more from their partners, but this hypocrisy is detrimental to the health of a relationship. It's a ploy for control, creating a false sense of safety. This unhealthy dynamic can only be resolved by taking the lead and demonstrating respect and love first. </span> </p> <p> <span> <br/> </span> </p> <p> <span>  True love and respect are earned through our actions and the grace we extend, not through manipulation or false control. By embracing this principle, we create an environment of trust, authenticity, and mutual understanding. Celebrate the imperfections, communicate openly, and foster an unwavering commitment to grace and respect. Together, let us strive to nurture lasting love in our relationships. </span> </p> </div> Thu, 18 Jan 2024 18:16:20 GMT https://www.desireokc.com/the-power-of-grace thumbnail main image https://www.desireokc.com/loving-this-life-loving-myself <div data-rss-type="text"> <p> <span> "The spirit is the true self. The spirit, the will to win, and the will to excel are the things that endure." </span> </p> <p> <span> - </span> <a href="https://www.brainyquote.com/authors/marcus-tullius-cicero-quotes" target="_blank"> Marcus Tullius Cicero </a> <span> <br/> </span> </p> </div> <div data-rss-type="text"> <p> <span> Happy New Year, everyone! As I write this, I find myself cherishing the last moments of my transformative weekend at Eros Monastery. It truly was a gift to myself, a way to usher in the new year with openness, vulnerability, and shared interests among kindred spirits. The experience has been nothing short of perfect. I have felt deeply nurtured, seen, and encouraged to embrace my truest self. </span> </p> <p> <br/> </p> <p> <span> Last night's OM experience was like a surge of energy invigorating every fiber of my being. It started as a buzzing sensation, slowly building up from my toes and down from the crown of my head. As it met in my heart chakra, it transformed into a pulsation that resonated within me. Suddenly, with a burst of sharp, yet fleeting, pricking pain, my heart chakra burst open. A wave of energy shot out from my fingertips, toes, breath, eyes streaming tears, and even my root chakra. In that moment, my entire body was enveloped in vibrant vibrations, and I experienced unimaginable bliss. This sensation lingered within me for several minutes, flooding me with happiness, joy, love, and hope. </span> </p> <p> <span> <span>  </span> </span> </p> <p> <span> As I sit here, reminiscing about this profound event, I can still feel a whisper of those sensations in my body. It is the exquisite feeling of being alive and well, reminding me of the incredible power of truly experiencing life through our bodies. </span> </p> <p> <br/> </p> <p> <span> I am filled with deep gratitude for this life, for the OM practice, and most importantly, for the love I have discovered for myself. This new year holds endless possibilities, and I am ready to continue this journey of self-acceptance, vulnerability, and meaningful connections. May we all embrace the beauty of being true to ourselves and find the courage to love ourselves unconditionally. </span> </p> <p> <br/> </p> <p> <span> Loving life. Loving OM. Loving myself. </span> </p> </div> Wed, 03 Jan 2024 23:21:53 GMT https://www.desireokc.com/loving-this-life-loving-myself thumbnail main image https://www.desireokc.com/letting-go <div data-rss-type="text"> <h3> <span> "When we allow ourselves to be in our pleasure we allow for our desires to manifest." </span> </h3> <h3> <span> -Charity </span> </h3> </div> <div data-rss-type="text"> <p> <span> As I inventory my life in 2023, I noticed overall it was a happy year. I had some hard moments, with the twins moving out of the house leaving me an empty nester and instead of working more I ended up working less, which was uncomfortable for me. Many times this past year I’ve had to acknowledge moments of feeling lonely and moments of joy for being alone. Nothing like living alone for the first time in 24 years to highlight the joys and pitfalls of a solitary life.  </span> </p> <p> <span> <br/> I find it easier and simpler to remain aligned with who I truly am when alone. I surrender to the silence and listen to my soul. In the silence I find alignment with my truest destiny. I am never really alone. In the last year I joined two different networking groups. I participated in a monthly breathwork ceremony and am making connections with those people. I made connections with other professionals in England and around the US. I started out the year with an idea to get certified as a tantra practitioner, and did indeed do that (with a different company than I had previously planned for). I desired to make significant progress in marketing, and I did, with the help of my wonderful assistant (not by hiring an overpaid company; they just took my money). I had several desires manifest differently than I had planned. Looking at my vision board for 2023, I see that I made legitimate progress on all of my goals, growth points, desires; but nearly none of them transpired in the manner I visioned them to. This is what it means to have the desire and then let go of the outcome and the journey. We don’t need to know how something is going to come to us. We just need to believe it will be good for us.  </span> </p> <p> <span> <br/> I have noticed when I have a fleeting desire, which holds little to no emotional influx, simply speaking the desire outloud, often laughing at such desire, then allowing it to leave my thoughts, produces that very desire. Example: about 3 weeks ago I was shopping online for a tree and came across a female bodice with an upside down fern tree as a skirt. It was so unique and awesome looking. I loved it instantly. I decided I wanted one, but I thought I would wait until next year to get it, as I was not in the mood to decorate. Then two weeks ago Karisma (my oldest) came by the house on Saturday. We both missed our shopping trips, so I suggested we go to At Home and look at Christmas decoration, trees, because I needed to get a tree up for the holiday. Walking into the store, there it was, this beautiful gold and cream white female bodice tree, with angel wings attached. I instantly loved it and felt joy, and I could really vision it in my house with our favorite ornaments affixed to it. So after several minutes of debate and looking at other trees, Karisma encouraged me to get the unique tree, “It’s you mom. I like it and you love it, so you should get it”. Filled with pleasure and joy I brought it home, got it put together and decorated before the night was over. A matter of fact the whole house was decorated before the night was over, and it only took a little inspiration from this very feminine tree.  </span> </p> <p> <span> <br/> When we allow ourselves to be in our pleasure we allow for our desires to manifest. This was a small desire, but really any desire can be small. If you allow yourself to be authentic, and listen to your calling you will manifest the very best of life.  </span> </p> <p> <span> <br/> </span> </p> <p> <span> Another example, three months ago I proclaimed that I was going to allow people to schedule classes as private bookings, and since publishing it to my website I’ve had three bookings. The people kept asking to take the classes in private, so I gave them what they wanted. My desire was to teach the class material more often. I had to surrender to doing it in a different manner than what I designed previously.  </span> </p> <p> <span> <br/> When I stop fighting against insurance all together, I get more clients.  </span> </p> <p> <span> <br/> </span> </p> <p> <span> When I surrender to not knowing exactly how something is going to manifest, but have a knowing that if it is alignment with who I am, and my destiny then my desire is met in the best possible way.  </span> </p> <p> <span> <br/> Learn to let go as the navigator of the journey and the specific outcome, so desires can manifest. </span> </p> <p> <span> <br/> </span> </p> </div> Wed, 20 Dec 2023 16:38:35 GMT https://www.desireokc.com/letting-go thumbnail main image https://www.desireokc.com/reflecting-on-change <div data-rss-type="text"> <h3> <span> “When you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about.” </span> </h3> <p> <span> —Haruki Murakami </span> </p> </div> <div data-rss-type="text"> <p> <span> When I look back on the year and what changes I have made, my impulse is to declare that I haven't changed at all. However, as I reflect on the progress I've made in 2023 (a later blog to come), I realize that I HAVE changed in several ways. </span> </p> <p> <span> <br/> </span> </p> <p> <span> I now prioritize self-care by dedicating time to myself and maintaining a regular yoga routine. I've learned to give myself more space to make mistakes and have gained a newfound confidence. </span> </p> <p> <span> <br/> </span> </p> <p> <span> Meditation has become a significant part of my life, and I'm steadily approaching the ability to visualize on my own terms. I find more joy and positivity, and my awareness of how I impact the world and how it affects me has sharpened. </span> </p> <p> <span> <br/> </span> </p> <p> <span> I have finally understood my worth. Throughout the year my friends and colleagues have continuously said that I don’t know my worth;  I now fully comprehend what they mean. Not only professionally, but in my personal life.  </span> </p> <p> <span> <br/> </span> </p> <p> <span> I recognize that I cannot be with a man who doesn't make an effort towards me, as his integrity, or lack thereof, will influence me. I've embraced the concept of allowing men to lead, and if they don't, I won't remain beside them. I will no longer chase  men. I approach dating with integrity, clearly understanding my purpose from the start. I evaluate their purpose, my level of attraction, and I am quicker to end entanglements. Three to five dates seem to be sufficient. </span> </p> <p> <span> <br/> </span> </p> <p> <span> I've released major blocks and aligned with my feminine side, experiencing a transformative journey in my personal growth. </span> </p> <p> <br/> </p> <p> <span> <span>  </span> Sex, for me, has transformed into a spiritual connection and path. Casual encounters with strangers leave me feeling like an unpaid sex worker, making me equally unhappy. Thus, I no longer engage in casual sex unless I am a full-body "yes," approaching it with the intent of relationship research. </span> </p> <p> <span> <br/> </span> </p> <p> <span> The struggle with hormonal imbalance, combined with a new perspective on relationships and self-worth, has significantly reduced my dating and sexual interactions. This shift is particularly challenging for someone whose identity revolves around being a sexual goddess, teacher, and therapist. </span> </p> <p> <span> <br/> </span> </p> <p> <span> The most profound change has been learning to view myself as a sexual being, even when not engaged in sexual activities with others. On the positive side, solo pleasure has become more fulfilling. I finally understand what women mean when they say, "I can have a better orgasm by myself than with someone else touching me." Now, I too can enjoy pleasure on my own terms, cultivating a new relationship with surrender. </span> </p> <p> <span> <br/> </span> </p> <p> <span> "The only way to make sense out of change is to plunge into it, move with it, and join the dance."  </span> <span> <span> - Alan Watts </span> </span> </p> <p> <span> <br/> </span> </p> <p> <span> What changes have you made throughout this year and how have they affected you positively? I'd love to hear from you in the comment box below. </span> </p> <p> <span> <br/> </span> </p> </div> Wed, 13 Dec 2023 19:07:16 GMT https://www.desireokc.com/reflecting-on-change thumbnail main image https://www.desireokc.com/embracing-your-desires <div data-rss-type="text"> <h3> <span> “Ultimately, it is the desire, not the desired, that we love.” </span> </h3> </div> <div data-rss-type="text"> <p> <span> <span> Thinking about small, pleasurable desires is a bit of a struggle for me most of the time. </span> </span> </p> <p> <span> <br/> </span> </p> <p> <span> <span> My academic work mind has me in work and productivity mode often. So today I challenged myself to tap into fun, juicy desires. After a few hours of contemplation. I decided I needed to be near the water and in the sun. This would allow me to fully be in my body and seek true desire. The always-present desire to be near water and in the sun was heavy on my heart. The water and sun ground me, and allow me to open, to be fully present in my body and sensual desires. </span> </span> </p> <p> <span> <br/> </span> </p> <p> <span> <span> I found myself at the lake with my sound bowls and yoga mat. To my delight, there was a flock of white pelicans on the water. Finding the perfect spot in the sun, I settled in to play the sound bowls for the birds. The vibration of the bowels seeped into my body, traveling from my ears to my sex. As I continued to play my body moved in a circular motion and came alive. Suddenly the aches and sinus congestion seemed to clear. I felt energized with a sense of joy. The sun-kissed my skin, warming me from the chill and wind, and I was happily lost in the sound and sensation of the moment. A reminder to play the bowels for myself more often as they always fill me with delight and help to invigorate my mind and body. I came alive and my desires became clear. </span> </span> </p> <p> <span> <br/> </span> </p> <p> <span> <span> I desire fun with friends. I desire to dance and spin around being in my silliness. I desire to go zip lining soon. I desire to explore an adults-only resort with a partner or solo. I desire to feel orgasm roll through me over and over. I desire to be on the receiving end of oral sex for a solid hour. I desire a pedicure and a new beautifully, artistically crafted pair of shoes. I desire to feel desired for all of me. I desire ease. I desire to teach to the masses soon. I desire to always remember the beauty of life. I desire to seek out more connections. I desire the spring to return. I desire the spring to return. I desire the spring to return. I love the spring, new life and possibilities. </span> </span> </p> <p> <span> <br/> </span> </p> <p> <span> I realize that over the years, my fear of running into clients or past clients has held me back from indulging in the erotic lifestyle I once had. In suppressing this desire and limiting my field of play I have lost the sensual part of me that inspired my work in the first place. I see now that my deepest desire is to find my way back to her, without jeopardizing my career. This is something I know I can achieve. As I finish out 2023, I will reflect on the moments where I truly let go, lived fully in my pleasure, and will let her guide me into 2024. </span> </p> <p> <span> <br/> </span> </p> </div> Wed, 06 Dec 2023 17:55:56 GMT https://www.desireokc.com/embracing-your-desires thumbnail main image https://www.desireokc.com/tis-the-season-to-be-thankful-and-love-thyself <div data-rss-type="text"> <h3> <span> "The lens through which we view the world is tinted by our emotions; choosing joy starts with self-love and gratitude." </span> </h3> </div> <div data-rss-type="text"> <p> <span> <span> In a world full of chaos, poverty, homelessness, war, prejudices, and hate, it can be difficult to see the goodness and beauty around us. I fully believe that we view the world through a lens of our emotions, and when our emotions are heavy, we mostly see pain and sorrow. However, if we allow ourselves to focus on the righteous and good things we possess, we can invite more joy into our lives. I believe this starts with loving and being grateful for yourself. </span> </span> </p> <p> <span> <br/> </span> </p> <p> <span> <span> I invite all of you to make a list of 20 things you are grateful for about yourself. </span> </span> </p> <p> <span> <br/> </span> </p> <p> <span> Consider all the ways you show up for yourself, your children, your friends, your partners, your extended family, and even your community. It may be small, but most of us contribute to society and the community every day. Take a moment to be thankful for the home you live in, the electricity at the flip of a switch, and the soft bed you lay down in at night. Be grateful for the space you give yourself (when you do), and if you don't give yourself space and time for self-care, be grateful for the knowledge that you have the right to indulge in self-care. </span> </p> <p> <span> <br/> </span> </p> <p> <span> Be grateful for the tenacity to hold on when times are hard and seem to move against you. Some people have lifted themselves out of the ashes of their childhood, but how many of you have seriously acknowledged the hard work, courage, and gusto it took? Be grateful you did that. I know many of us think, “I didn’t have a choice; I just did what had to be done.” The truth is we all have a choice, and not everyone makes the choice to do better for themselves or the children than they may have had it. </span> </p> <p> <span> <br/> </span> </p> <p> <span> <span> I’m grateful that I know myself, my values, and my goals. I’m grateful I have never given up on my goals or my vision of life as I desire it. I’m grateful for curiosity, which led me to fabulous spiritual teachers along my path. Grateful for the expansion of my mind and heart that came from all of my chosen journeys. Grateful for finally having the internal wisdom to know my worth and my path. I'm also grateful for all the relationships I have had and left when they no longer served me or them. I’m grateful for the concept of self- compassion and love and my strength to be single rather than unhappy in a relationship. </span> </span> </p> <p> <span> <br/> </span> </p> <p> <span> Be thankful for the life you have designed. </span> </p> </div> Wed, 29 Nov 2023 16:39:10 GMT https://www.desireokc.com/tis-the-season-to-be-thankful-and-love-thyself thumbnail main image https://www.desireokc.com/a-celebration-of-self-discovery <div data-rss-type="text"> <h3> <span> "Trusting the universe is a promise to provide not only for needs but for the fulfillment of deepest desires." </span> </h3> </div> <div data-rss-type="text"> <p> <span> Feeling good today after a rejuvenating yoga session last night and this morning. Surprisingly, I received a compliment on my form, a proud moment considering most of my yoga practice has been at home. As I continue to refine my balance, I can't wait to master more advanced poses. </span> </p> <p> <span> <br/> Embracing the slower pace of life, I'm learning to appreciate each moment. My focus remains on attracting and retaining ideal clients, allowing me to contribute positively to marriages and individual self-worth. </span> </p> <p> <span> <br/> The universe has been kind, providing what I need at the perfect moments. Consistently recognizing this, I trust that the universe will also manifest my deepest desires. Gratitude fills my heart as I reflect on the blessings I've received – love, friendships, invaluable assistance, and the privilege of maintaining a flourishing, self-employed practice. </span> </p> <p> <span> <br/> I’ve been harnessing the power of being open to receiving. It is not a passive act but an art form, requiring vulnerability, trust, and a profound connection with one's self-worth. It involves acknowledging that we are deserving of the gifts life has to offer and understanding that receiving is not a sign of weakness but a testament to our interconnectedness with the world. </span> </p> <p> <span> <br/> In a world that often glorifies self-sufficiency, the idea of opening ourselves to receive may feel uncomfortable or unfamiliar. However, it is in this space of openness that we invite the universe's abundant energy to flow into our lives. Whether it's love, opportunities, or support, being receptive allows us to welcome the unexpected and bask in the beauty of life's surprises. </span> </p> <p> <span> <br/> The first step toward mastering the art of receiving is cultivating a mindset of abundance. By releasing scarcity thinking and embracing the belief that there is more than enough to go around, we create a welcoming space for blessings to enter our lives. This shift in perspective transforms receiving from a passive act into an intentional, magnetic force that draws positivity and fulfillment. </span> </p> <p> <span> <br/> Gratitude is a powerful companion on the journey of receiving. Expressing gratitude for the blessings we already have opens our hearts to more abundance. It acts as a magnetic force, attracting positive energy and aligning us with the universal flow of generosity. </span> </p> <p> <span> <br/> With profound love, I trust the universe to fulfill my deepest desires and needs. Pleasure becomes fuel for life, and I express thanks for all the blessings I've encountered. A refreshing weekend with the Chicks N Charge, coupled with gratitude for new and returning clients, solidifies my sense of being exactly where I need to be. I appreciate my ability to acknowledge personal growth and accomplishments, fostering a high vibration of love and acceptance. As I envision and move towards my future, I'm grateful to witness it unfold according to my dreams. </span> </p> <p> <span> <br/> </span> </p> </div> Wed, 29 Nov 2023 16:31:34 GMT https://www.desireokc.com/a-celebration-of-self-discovery thumbnail main image https://www.desireokc.com/you-have-the-right-to-remain-you <div data-rss-type="text"> <h3> <span> Know thyself, express thyself - the foundation of thriving relationships. </span> <span> <span>  </span> </span> </h3> </div> <div data-rss-type="text"> <p> <span> In my work as a relationship, sex and intimacy coach I often work with people who don’t know who they are or what they want in a relationship. They seem to always be certain that the reason they aren’t getting what they want in a relationship is because the other person is failing to give it to them. I see this trend throughout the books, professional journals, podcasts, etc in this field. </span> </p> <p> <span> <br/> </span> </p> <p> <span> I often receive blank looks of confusion and sometimes anger when I ask these 7 questions:  </span> </p> <p> <span> <br/> </span> </p> <p> <span> What is your sexual identity?  </span> </p> <p> <span> What makes a good relationship for you? </span> </p> <p> <span> How do you hold back from speaking your truth? </span> </p> <p> <span> When do you lie to yourself and your partner? </span> </p> <p> <span> What do you want in a relationship? </span> </p> <p> <span> How do you express yourself sexually?  </span> </p> <p> <span> How do you want to be able to express yourself?  </span> </p> <p> <span> <br/> </span> </p> <p> <span> To questions like: What is your sexual identity? What do you like sexually? How do you express yourself sexually? How do you want to be able to express yourself?  </span> </p> <p> <span> <br/> </span> </p> <p> <span> I tend to get answers like, “I don’t know”, “freely”, “safely”, “I just want normal sex that feels good”. Basically I get vague or empty answers. When I ask them to tell me what safe looks like, or “freely” looks like, or what is “normal feel good sex”; people often get really nervous and upset. I’m told these are hard questions. Sometimes they never answer the questions and sometimes they can. I find that when people actually ask themselves and sit with these questions for a bit they can express themselves openly and honestly and give clear answers. The problem is they haven’t already sat with these types of questions. They haven’t ever spelled it out to a partner in a way that the partner could receive the information and adjust accordingly. </span> </p> <p> <span> <br/> </span> </p> <p> <span> Likewise, people feel they are not getting what they want when they date someone new or attempt to reconnect in a long term relationship and this is often (in part) due to not being able to answer these questions: What makes a good relationship? What do you want in a relationship?  </span> </p> <p> <span> <br/> </span> </p> <p> <span> People say they want a relationship and someone else will say, “Oh, I do also.” They think they are good to go, but there is a disconnect. What does what they desire, mean to each of them? People often have two different definitions of the word relationship (as well as sex, connection, honesty,) and intimate connection.  </span> </p> <p> <span> <br/> </span> </p> <p> <span> For example, I desire a relationship where I see the other person a couple of times a week, perhaps for an adventurous date out one day and a date in the other. My person needs to be secure in themselves and their life. I want someone with a common interest in spirituality, yoga, healthy eating (preferably better than me on this one) , travel and exploration of the world. I also want someone willing to be a partner (help me with projects at home and allow me to help them on projects in their home) . I want to live separately for a considerable time. I need them to have their own life, so I feel free to live mine. I need to maintain a great deal of independence and alone time. Sexual compatibility is really high on the list and a healthy frequency for sexual interaction, but not daily or used for stress management. I have come to these realizations and self actualizations that I now express to my partners clearly. </span> </p> <p> <span> <br/> </span> </p> <p> <span> <br/> </span> </p> <p> <span> The seventh and possibly most striking question is; When do you hold back from speaking your truth? Sometimes asked, 'How do you lie to yourself and your partner?’  </span> </p> <p> <span> <br/> </span> </p> <p> <span> Unintentionally, a lot of us hold back from speaking our truth at different moments in life. We say we are “fine” with things that we are not fine with. We say we want things the other person wants, because we want to be with them, and we believe we can not have that person if we don’t agree to want the same things. We lie to ourselves and tell ourselves we don’t need (blank) when we actually do. We tell ourselves we can live a certain lifestyle to please the other person but it isn’t authentic to us. I often have clients tell me they lost themselves in a relationship. The truth is they tossed that part of themselves away, in an attempt to reduce confrontation, conflict or rejection. This is all done from a place of “love”. I wouldn’t consider this love, but a very unhealthy attachment, possibly a direct result of children not being able to have a voice, opinion or say in their own lives. When we are not raised to have opinions or to be able to make decisions or mistakes and still be loved, then we learn to give the “right answer”. That answer being what the other person wants to hear. This is loving from a place of fear and limited beliefs. You believe you can not be loved if you are your true self.  </span> </p> <p> <span> <br/> </span> </p> <p> <span> Well I am here to say, you can be loved as your true self if you are willing to speak your truth and wait for the person you find alignment with. I’m not saying you have to have perfect alignment on all things. I am saying you need to value and love yourself enough to know who you are and know you have the right to have the relationship dynamics you prefer. </span> </p> <p> <span> <br/> </span> </p> <p> <span> You have the right to remain your own spunky, quirky self and you can find love as your true authentic self.  </span> </p> <p> <span> <br/> </span> </p> <p> <span> I encourage all of you to answer these questions and then ask your partners to answer them. Give yourself and them time to fully consider the questions. It will take time to face your true self and answer honestly and completely. I encourage you to be specific, avoid the black hole of vague abstract worded answers. </span> </p> <p> <span> <br/> </span> </p> <p> <span> Remember Love Thyself, </span> </p> <p> <span> Charity </span> </p> <p> <span> <br/> </span> </p> </div> Wed, 29 Nov 2023 16:29:18 GMT desireokc@gmail.com (Charity Danker) https://www.desireokc.com/you-have-the-right-to-remain-you thumbnail main image https://www.desireokc.com/lessons-in-motherhood <div data-rss-type="text"> <h3> <span> "You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them." </span> </h3> <h3> <span>   </span> <span> - Maya Angelou </span> </h3> </div> <div data-rss-type="text"> <p> <span> This weeks' blog post is dedicated to my wonderful daughter, Karisma Rain. Having you in my life brings me immense joy and I am forever grateful. You're not only one of my best friends but also a wonderful daughter to your momma.  </span> </p> <p> <span> <br/> </span> </p> <p> <span> Reflecting on my journey as a parent, I acknowledge that I wasn't perfect. Rain, in her candid way, often reminds me of this. She keeps me honest, holding up a mirror to my moments of anger and selfishness. She lets me know what I missed, and when work took precedence over family, she spoke up. I cherish her for that. </span> </p> <p> <span> <br/> </span> </p> <p> <span> I dedicated many years to building my practice, striving to be the best mom I could be, though I didn't always get it right. My focus wasn't always solely on them, but my intention was always to provide them with everything they needed, and a little extra. My daughters might tell you I spoiled them a bit and made them a little bit bougie. I'm perfectly fine with that. My mother used to say I raised each of them as if they were the only child, and that was deliberate. I wanted them all to feel deeply loved, and I understood that the same approach wouldn't work for each one. In my eyes, my daughters were my partners in life. We cooked together, planned together, and I always factored them into major life decisions. More often than not, they came before friends, romantic partners, and other people—perhaps not always before my career. </span> </p> <p> <span> <br/> </span> </p> <p> <span> We learned from each other, respecting each person's idiosyncrasies. It seemed like everyone in our household had some sensory sensitivity, and together, we worked to make everyone feel at ease. I realize Rain may have been overlooked at times. She wasn't as vocal about her needs or desires. She didn't always allow herself to ask for much, even when I was offering. She's reserved like that. </span> </p> <p> <span> <br/> </span> </p> <p> <span> My kids taught me that it's possible to love more than one person deeply. They showed me how some people silence themselves to avoid making others uncomfortable, and that anger often masks deeper emotions. They taught me that anxious people may not always be rational, and that not everything is about me. It's okay to be a little selfish at times. They emphasized the importance of listening over always having a solution, and that even the most seemingly honest people can tell a lie. </span> </p> <p> <span> <br/> </span> </p> <p> <span> A mother truly needs eyes in the back of her head. Tone of voice can reveal a wealth of emotions and should never be used as a weapon against someone's feelings. Reacting impulsively is rarely the best course of action. Playing the victim often perpetuates a cycle of victimhood. They showed me that people might not always ask for what they need in a relationship out of fear of being a burden or causing conflict. </span> </p> <p> <span> <br/> </span> </p> <p> <span> Rain, you've taught me that silence doesn't always equate to contentment or happiness. When I work with couples, I often draw on the dynamics of parenting to illuminate aspects of their relationship. In many ways, managing a relationship with my children isn't all that different from my adult relationships. I treat my kids with the same level of respect as I would any adult. Happy Birthday, my dear Karisma Rain Danker! You are a cherished light in my life. </span> </p> <p> <span> <br/> </span> </p> </div> Wed, 29 Nov 2023 16:25:46 GMT https://www.desireokc.com/lessons-in-motherhood thumbnail main image https://www.desireokc.com/ponderings DesireOKC in Oklahoma City, OK provides holistic sex therapy, polyamorous coaching, adult sex education, and sensual massages. Call us at 405-420-7877. <div data-rss-type="text"> <h2> <span> Flowing Freely <br/> </span> </h2> </div> <div data-rss-type="text"> <p> <span> In this life, it often feels like no matter what I'm doing, I question whether I'm doing the right thing. I'm a woman who has been single for many years, and most of the time, I very much enjoy the freedom of being single. For example, I love kayaking, and when I want to paddle, I do. When I feel like letting my kayak drift and go wherever it wants, even if it takes me into the bushes, I just let go. Kayaking, for me, is a way to exercise, but more importantly, it allows me to bask in the sun, be on the water, and let my thoughts flow freely. </span> </p> <p> <span> <br/> </span> </p> <p> <span> Speaking of thoughts, there are times when I'm out kayaking with no thoughts at all, just enjoying the serene experience. However, there are days like today when I'm deep in thought and in the mood to write. This is something I couldn't do if I were kayaking with someone else, as I'd either be engaged in conversation or feel obliged to talk to them. </span> </p> <p> <span> <br/> </span> </p> <p> <span> Recently, energy workers have been telling me that I'm blocked creatively, but I don't necessarily feel that way. I have all kinds of creative thoughts; I just struggle to put them into action. There's also a part of me that wonders if I should socialize more often, as one energy worker referred to me as a hermit. This got me thinking about societal expectations around alone time and socializing. </span> </p> <p> <span> <br/> </span> </p> <p> <span> It seems that when someone spends a lot of time alone, they are encouraged to socialize more, while someone who is constantly out and about, always seeking company, is encouraged to spend time alone in solitude. I'm always curious how society can have contrasting expectations for different individuals based on their personalities and preferences. We all need balance in our lives and finding that balance can be challenging. </span> </p> <p> <span> <br/> </span> </p> <p> <span> On a personal level, I want to teach my classes to a wider audience without being fake. I don't resonate with the glamorous lifestyle; I prefer elegance with a touch of rock 'n' roll. I've invited people to kayak with me, but they declined. However, I still spend quality time with my loved ones, so I'm not completely avoiding social interactions. </span> </p> <p> <span> <br/> </span> </p> <p> <span> Floating and meditating in my kayak, I decided to reflect on forgiveness. I forgive myself for not having all the answers, for failing at times, and for not always seeking the right help when needed. I also forgive myself for not putting enough energy into certain aspects of my business, like creating products or writing books. At this point in life, I just want to enjoy kayaking and create content that I'm passionate about. </span> </p> <p> <span> <br/> </span> </p> <p> <span> I accept myself for who I am—an individual who enjoys spending time alone. But I also acknowledge my need for touch and companionship, which I miss sometimes. I am open to love and envision my ideal partner coming into my life when the time is right. Until then, I'm determined to focus on my business, grow my classes, and bring my knowledge to others. </span> </p> <p> <span> <br/> </span> </p> <p> <span> As I float down the river, basking in the sun and peace of nature, I feel so content and grateful. I trust the universe to guide me on my path, and I desire to have speaking engagements and teach classes for men to foster sensitivity and confidence in their relationships with women. These are the things I'm eager and enthusiastic to research and focus on. </span> </p> </div> <div> <img src="https://irp.cdn-website.com/6fa5e416/dms3rep/multi/DesireOKC_Blogs8-f62273c4.jpg" alt=""/> </div> Wed, 13 Sep 2023 15:30:10 GMT https://www.desireokc.com/ponderings thumbnail main image https://www.desireokc.com/empowered-woman DesireOKC in Oklahoma City, OK provides holistic sex therapy, polyamorous coaching, adult sex education, and sensual massages. Call us at 405-420-7877. <div data-rss-type="text"> <h2> <span> Empowered Woman <br/> </span> </h2> </div> <div data-rss-type="text"> <p> <span> Many people may view my ambitious career goals as a sign of chasing something and never being content where I am. However, I see it differently. My pursuit is not of material success but of knowledge, inner joy, peace, love, and recognition as a positive intimacy coach and teacher. These roles have been ingrained in my identity throughout my life. I genuinely wish to share my knowledge and ideas with others, and I am eager to find ways to reach a broader audience authentically. </span> </p> <p> <span> <br/> </span> </p> <p> <span> My goal has always been to grow and improve daily and to experience abundance and wealth not just financially but also through life experiences. I long to be free from limitations and to help others feel the same. This isn't about chasing something; it's about embracing who I already am. </span> </p> <p> <span> <br/> </span> </p> <p> <span> It is about being in alignment with my divine assignment. </span> </p> <p> <span> <br/> </span> </p> <p> <span> What is my soul desire, my soul contract, my divine soul connection? I am a teacher of love and tolerance, and I advocate for positive sexual expression, allowing each individual to define what that means to them. I am a lover of many forms of art, including erotic art and expression. I am a student of sexology and tantric practices. I am a guide to tapping into sacred feminine and masculine essence, as I see this as vital to our health. I am a sexually empowered woman. </span> </p> <p> <span> <br/> </span> </p> <p> <span> This is my divine assignment.  </span> </p> <p> <span> <br/> </span> </p> <p> <span> I will continue to develop classes and creative ideas to spread this message, not because I'm chasing success, but because it aligns with my true self and because I want others to experience this great sense of freedom and authenticity. To stand tall, embrace self-worth, and remember that they are more than enough. We are a force of nature, capable of creating positive change and impacting the world around us. </span> </p> <p> <span> <br/> </span> </p> <p> <span> You are more than enough, just as you are, and you have the potential to illuminate the world with your presence. </span> </p> </div> <div> <img src="https://irp.cdn-website.com/6fa5e416/dms3rep/multi/DesireOKC_Blogs3.jpg" alt=""/> </div> <div data-rss-type="text"> <h3> <span> "Beautiful is a woman in alignment with her divine assignment." </span> <span> <br/> </span> </h3> </div> Wed, 13 Sep 2023 15:22:39 GMT https://www.desireokc.com/empowered-woman thumbnail main image https://www.desireokc.com/self-worth DesireOKC in Oklahoma City, OK provides holistic sex therapy, polyamorous coaching, adult sex education, and sensual massages. Call us at 405-420-7877. <div data-rss-type="text"> <h2> <span> Knowing My Self Worth <br/> </span> </h2> </div> <div data-rss-type="text"> <p> <span> I recently had a conversation with a friend about recognizing and valuing one's worth, and charging what one truly deserves. She emphasized that I undervalue myself and should be asking for more than what I currently charge. While I appreciate her perspective, I find myself in a debate about knowing my own value. Contrary to popular belief, I believe I do understand my worth, especially considering the work I've been dedicated to over the past months. </span> </p> <p> <span> <br/> </span> </p> <p> <span> I've spent time delving into books and participating in various coaching classes over the past few years. Interestingly, many of the concepts being discussed are ones I've been advocating for quite some time. For instance, I've long been advising people to close their eyes, connect with their bodily sensations, and identify their emotions. It's been my belief that emotions act as a lens through which we perceive the world around us. Additionally, I've consistently highlighted how our immediate reactions to stimuli typically last only about 90 seconds. Any prolonged distress arises from our continuous rumination over the initial trigger. </span> </p> <p> <span> <br/> </span> </p> <p> <span> Breathwork, meditation, journaling, and intention setting have all been practices that I teach. I've not only preached these practices but have diligently incorporated them into my own life. These principles have formed the core of my journey. While this is the case, I know I could spend more time on these practices. It's this very path that led me to explore concepts similar to those developed by OneTaste, which is what initially drew me to their teachings. </span> </p> <p> <span> <br/> </span> </p> <p> <span> My journey has allowed me to recognize that I am now, an expert in my field. This realization struck me today, as I collected my thoughts. Addressing a particular concern: it's not that I'm unaware of my worth; I am. However, there are certain factors that influence my perspective. Growing up with financial constraints has left a substantial mark, making it challenging for me to decline opportunities or requests. More importantly, the thought of someone with potential to do the work and grow being unable to work with me due to financial constraints troubles me. </span> </p> <p> <span> <br/> </span> </p> <p> <span> Truly, my struggle is not about acknowledging my worth; rather, it's a balance between compassion and the financial reality. I've internalized the belief that worth isn't solely about monetary value. My understanding of worth encompasses more than financial transactions. It's about compassion, connection, and making a positive impact. </span> </p> <p> <span> <br/> </span> </p> <p> <span> The conversation took an interesting turn when discussing ego. I sometimes struggle with perceiving myself as superior to others. I recognize my contributions to this space and the people impacted but find it challenging to equate that with basic human value. This internal conflict influences me when setting fees for my services. </span> </p> <p> <span> <br/> </span> </p> <p> <span> It's worth noting that my goal isn't to charge excessively or undercut my clients. There's a practicality to consider. Charging $200 or $250 per hour might not be feasible for every individual or project. This creates an internal dilemma, especially when considering hiring assistants or investing in events and classes. I desire to find a balance between fair compensation and the practicality of financial decisions. </span> </p> <p> <span> <br/> </span> </p> <p> <span> Ultimately, my expertise lies in a complex field that involves the intricate interplay of the person's mind, their body, their emotions. The impact of my work on individuals is profound, and I understand the responsibility that comes with it. While I may still be learning and growing, I've come to realize that I am indeed an expert in this unique and multifaceted space. </span> </p> </div> <div> <img src="https://irp.cdn-website.com/6fa5e416/dms3rep/multi/DesireOKC_Blogs16.jpg" alt=""/> </div> Wed, 13 Sep 2023 15:19:22 GMT https://www.desireokc.com/self-worth thumbnail main image https://www.desireokc.com/my-love-of-coaching DesireOKC in Oklahoma City, OK provides holistic sex therapy, polyamorous coaching, adult sex education, and sensual massages. Call us at 405-420-7877. <div data-rss-type="text"> <h2> <span> My Love of Coaching <br/> </span> </h2> </div> <div data-rss-type="text"> <p> <span> In the arena of intimacy coaching and sex therapy, there are those who simply guide, and then there are those who truly embrace the complicated design of human connection. As an intimacy coach and sex therapist, I proudly belong with those who embrace; finding true joy and fulfillment in the rich stories my clients share. </span> </p> <p> <span> <span>  </span> </span> </p> <p> <span> The sad stories, trauma filled stories, happy and excited stories, romance and love, all of them. These stories are the mirrors to our souls, revealing vulnerabilities, aspirations, and a desire for connection. I cherish the opportunity to be a part of their journey, helping them navigate through the highs and lows of life and relationships. </span> </p> <p> <span> <br/> </span> </p> <p> <span> One of my greatest passions as an intimacy coach is imparting the skills of emotional regulation and effective communication. The differences between men and women have always intrigued me. The intricate ways in which we perceive and interact with the world, stemming from these differences, are truly mind-boggling. God has a sense of humor, making us need each other and desire each other yet be so vastly different we dance a dance of the delightful struggle for cooperation. </span> </p> <p> <span> <br/> </span> </p> <p> <span> I love watching couples improve in all areas of intimacy. Bridging the gap in Sexual expression, openness and bridging the gap in sex drive. These tools form the foundation upon which resilient and thriving relationships are built. It's fascinating to witness the transformation that occurs when individuals and couples learn to navigate their emotional landscapes with ease. Helping couples rediscover and reimagine their connection is a privilege that I hold dear. </span> </p> <p> <span> <br/> </span> </p> <p> <span> I love teaching meditation to couples. Especially Eros meditation and Love Thy self meditation. Not to mention OM. Seeing love blossom anew as couples engage in these practices is a confirmation of the transformative power of holistic approaches to intimacy. </span> </p> <p> <span> I love teaching my sensual classes. Through teaching and taking some on my own, I’m reminded that the pursuit of connection and pleasure is a constant evolution. That the journey of intimacy is a lifelong exploration. </span> </p> <p> <span> <br/> </span> </p> <p> <span> While I guide others on their journey of connection, I too have my own path. Regardless of our roles as guides, coaches, or therapists, we are all seekers of companionship, love, and the life changing power of intimacy. I seek a partner to share these experiences with a romantic partner of my own. Someone who shares the same passion and genuine adoration I have of imparting this knowledge on others. </span> </p> <p> <span> <br/> </span> </p> <p> <span> In this ever-evolving adventure, my passion is ignited anew with every story shared, every lesson taught, and every couple transformed. Each story is a chapter, each lesson a revelation, and each connection a masterpiece waiting to be painted. And as I walk this path with my clients, I am humbled and inspired, knowing that the journey is as much theirs as it is mine. </span> </p> </div> <div> <img src="https://irp.cdn-website.com/6fa5e416/dms3rep/multi/DesireOKC_Blogs16.jpg" alt=""/> </div> <div data-rss-type="text"> <h3> <span> “Desire! That’s the one secret of every man’s career. Not education. Not being born with hidden talents. Desire.” </span> <span> <br/> </span> </h3> </div> <div data-rss-type="text"> <p> <span> - Johnny Carson </span> </p> </div> Wed, 13 Sep 2023 15:16:17 GMT https://www.desireokc.com/my-love-of-coaching thumbnail main image https://www.desireokc.com/vulnerability-for-men DesireOKC in Oklahoma City, OK provides holistic sex therapy, polyamorous coaching, adult sex education, and sensual massages. Call us at 405-420-7877. <div data-rss-type="text"> <h2> <span> Reawaken Your Desires <br/> </span> </h2> </div> <div data-rss-type="text"> <p> <span> We often hear “men only want sex” or “sex is the only thing men think about”. From my own experience as a sex and intimacy coach, men are more often seeking intimacy and an opportunity to be vulnerable. The only place men feel comfortable or think they can experience. This is through sex. Society has, in many ways, perpetuated stereotypes and expectations. around masculinity that make it challenging for men to express their emotions openly. </span> </p> <p> <span> <br/> </span> </p> <p> <span> Men often feel pressure to conform to traditional ideas of toughness and self-reliance. These expectations often discourage them from being sensitive, vulnerable, or expressing their needs openly. This suppression of emotions can lead to feelings of isolation, loneliness, and a sense of disconnect from their own emotions and the emotions of others. </span> </p> <p> <span> <br/> </span> </p> <p> <span> Consequently, many men find themselves longing for deeper connections, genuine companionship, and the warmth of emotional intimacy. It's crucial to recognize that these desires are not exclusive to any gender; they are basic human needs. Men, like women, thrive in environments where they can be themselves, share their thoughts and feelings openly, and receive the care and affection they need. </span> </p> <p> <span> <br/> </span> </p> <p> <span> Changing the narrative around this conversation is important for breaking down the barriers that hold men back from expressing their needs and desires. I encourage men to speak openly about what they truly seek - whether its emotional connection, physical touch, or a supportive community. To let men know that masculinity can also embrace vulnerability, sensitivity, and the full spectrum of human emotions. </span> </p> <p> <span> <br/> </span> </p> <p> <span> Men: I want to hear you say "I love you"; without fear of judgment. To express your needs without reservation. To truly experience the depth of human connection and intimacy that you, like everyone else, truly deserves. Every individual, regardless of gender, requires and deserves affection, understanding, and love. </span> </p> </div> <div> <img src="https://irp.cdn-website.com/6fa5e416/dms3rep/multi/DesireOKC_Blogs10.jpg" alt=""/> </div> <div data-rss-type="text"> <h3> <span> "Vulnerability is the birthplace of connection and the path to the feeling of worthiness." </span> <span> <br/> </span> </h3> </div> <div data-rss-type="text"> <p> <span> - Brené Brown </span> </p> </div> Wed, 13 Sep 2023 14:59:09 GMT https://www.desireokc.com/vulnerability-for-men thumbnail main image https://www.desireokc.com/meditative-connection DesireOKC in Oklahoma City, OK provides holistic sex therapy, polyamorous coaching, adult sex education, and sensual massages. Call us at 405-420-7877. <div data-rss-type="text"> <h2> <span> Meditative Connection <br/> </span> </h2> </div> <div data-rss-type="text"> <p> <span> For over a decade, I've been privileged to work closely with couples, and in the past six years, I've integrated meditation as a powerful tool for healing and reconnection. Through this practice, couples have found solace and healing from disconnection, affair recovery, and emotional and physical detachment. </span> </p> <p> <span> <br/> </span> </p> <p> <span> Often, couples come to me locked in a cycle of fear and defensiveness, viewing each other as adversaries. Women, in particular, frequently express feeling emotionally unsafe. This emotional disconnect often leads to a breakdown in sexual intimacy, leaving men feeling rejected and unwanted. </span> </p> <p> <span> <br/> </span> </p> <p> <span> Individuals experiencing mood swings, sleep disturbances, heightened stress levels, or fluctuations in weight are not uncommon. In response, they might withdraw from physical and emotional intimacy or demand excessive closeness, seeking connection. Even when the desired level of intimacy is achieved, it often proves fleeting, leaving them feeling isolated. The true essence of connection is lost, and sex can inadvertently become a coping mechanism, devoid of genuine emotional resonance. </span> </p> <p> <span> <br/> </span> </p> <p> <span> Irrespective of preferred levels of physical intimacy, a deficit in both physical and emotional closeness can leave individuals disconnected from both themselves and their partners. Physical touch, for many, serves as a balm to soothe the stresses of everyday life. </span> </p> <p> <span> <br/> </span> </p> <p> <span> In the midst of life's many stressors, it's easy to overlook the pervasive tension our bodies carry. Notice the tightness in your neck and shoulders or the clenching of your jaw - all telltale signs of pent-up stress. It's crucial to learn the art of release, to let go of control, and to shift from a vigilant state in our heads to a grounded presence in our bodies. This shift facilitates a deeper, healing form of love. </span> </p> <p> <span> <br/> </span> </p> <p> <span> Meditation emerges as a potent ally in nurturing connection and intimacy. A robust bond strengthens a relationship's resilience, carrying it through the toughest of times. Couples who meditate together find that their hearts open up in profound ways, forging a more profound connection. The practice often extends the lifespan of relationships due to the deepened connection it fosters. </span> </p> <p> <span> <br/> </span> </p> <p> <span> Our bodies house a wealth of emotions and memories, both joyful and painful. When under stress, some of us withdraw, seeking solace in solitude. For many, however, this isn't a genuine reset but rather a numbing out through distractions like television. On the flip side, some seek physical touch, seeking solace in sex and intimacy. Yet, this may not always lead to a genuine release of tension; it can easily become another form of distraction or numbing. </span> </p> <p> <span> <br/> </span> </p> <p> <span> In the midst of differing needs for restoration, how can a couple find common ground? Through meditation, they can learn to soothe one another, creating a shared space of healing. Dr. Janice Kiecolt-Glaser's extensive research reveals that meditation yields manifold benefits for couples. It reduces stress levels, paving the way for deeper intimacy. Moreover, it amplifies positive emotions, strengthening the emotional bond. </span> </p> <p> <span> <br/> </span> </p> <p> <span> Through practices like Eye Gazing, Heart Meditation, and more, couples can delve into profound states of meditation, discovering unexpected avenues of connection. This shared journey in stillness not only deepens intimacy but also lays the foundation for enduring partnership. </span> </p> <p> <span> <br/> </span> </p> <p> <span> I typically start with teaching the basics, Eye Gazing. </span> </p> <p> <span> <br/> </span> </p> <p> <span> Let’s give it a try.  Sit across from your partner, knees touching or as close as possible. Set a time for 3 minutes. Take several deep breathes, long inhalations and slow exhalations. Gaze into each other’s eyes. No laughing, no talking, no fidgeting. Continue to breathe deeply. Try to present for the entire 3 minutes.  </span> </p> <p> <span> <br/> </span> </p> <p> <span> Notice what you tell yourself. Notice the vulnerability that shows up. Notice is it easy to hold their gaze or difficult? Do you want to look away? Notice your breath. Continue to breathe deeply. Be present in your body. Focus on what you want to feel with your partner. What loving message would you like your partner to hear from you? Focus on that message and imagine you can send that message energetically through your eyes. Our eyes say a lot. There is power in the look. </span> </p> <p> <span> <br/> </span> </p> <p> <span> When the timer goes off, kiss and consider sharing with each other something you noticed during the eye gazing. Now we are sharing a vulnerable thought and emotion. When we share vulnerabilities with our partners this creates connection. This simple Eye Gazing exercise is just one of many meditative practices I teach to clients. Having a daily ritual of Eye Gazing or other meditation can greatly increase the connection, closeness, intimacy, trust, and respect in a relationship; and who can’t benefit from that? </span> </p> </div> <div> <img src="https://irp.cdn-website.com/6fa5e416/dms3rep/multi/DesireOKC_Blogs17.jpg" alt=""/> </div> <div data-rss-type="text"> <h3> <span> "The eyes are the window to the soul" </span> <span> <br/> </span> </h3> </div> Wed, 13 Sep 2023 14:54:20 GMT https://www.desireokc.com/meditative-connection thumbnail main image https://www.desireokc.com/reawaken-your-desires DesireOKC in Oklahoma City, OK provides holistic sex therapy, polyamorous coaching, adult sex education, and sensual massages. Call us at 405-420-7877. <div data-rss-type="text"> <h2> <span> Reawaken Your Desires <br/> </span> </h2> </div> <div data-rss-type="text"> <p> <span> In my years of working with clients, I've encountered many individuals who reach a point in their lives where they've lost touch with their own desires, wants, and needs. Often, they find themselves overwhelmed by the weight of responsibilities and obligations, which can be a significant barrier to understanding their true desires. Through heartfelt conversations, I've come to realize that for many, this disconnect harks back to their childhood. </span> </p> <p> <span> <br/> </span> </p> <p> <span> A specific example comes to mind. One client shared her close bond with both parents. Her father, even now, avoids making decisions, while her mother, driven by a need for control and security, took charge of all household choices. For this client, this dynamic felt entirely normal, providing a sense of comfort in relinquishing decision-making. </span> </p> <p> <span> <br/> </span> </p> <p> <span> However, this coping mechanism led to a loss of connection with her own desires for her husband, meals, social interactions, and more. Her career consumed her, leaving little room for anything else. Her husband noticed her struggle; mentioning how she wouldn't even pick out a dress or what to eat for the day. </span> </p> <p> <span> <br/> </span> </p> <p> <span> I identified that she felt disconnected with herself. I identified her underlying fear of desiring something that might upset her husband, driving her to avoid conflict. As many of us know, when we make decisions from a place of fear or wanting to avoid conflict, we create conflict within ourselves and we are preventing ourselves from having what we truly desire. </span> </p> <p> <span> <br/> </span> </p> <p> <span> I urged her to embark on a week-long journey of self-reflection, asking herself, "What do I desire?" numerous times a day. Then with every opportunity to make a choice, especially when being asked by someone else, she was encouraged to sit with the question until her body and/or subconscious gave her an answer. Furthermore she was encouraged to pause for 5 seconds, close her eyes, take a deep breathe and ask herself what do I desire here, then she could answer. </span> </p> <p> <span> <br/> </span> </p> <p> <span> She found that she did have preferences and desires. Within a few weeks, she felt a newfound vitality. Her desire for connection and intimacy with her partner and others surged. </span> </p> <p> <span> <br/> </span> </p> <p> <span> I implore each of you to take moments to ask yourselves, "What do I desire?" Embrace those desires with courage, even if they sway from someone else's expectations. Play with this concept, and observe the transformative effect it may have on your life, much like it did for my client. Reconnect with your desires and allow them to breathe life back into you. </span> </p> </div> <div> <img src="https://irp.cdn-website.com/6fa5e416/dms3rep/multi/DesireOKC_Blogs5.png" alt=""/> </div> <div data-rss-type="text"> <h3> <span> “Profound desire, true desire is the desire to be close to someone.” </span> <span> <br/> </span> </h3> </div> <div data-rss-type="text"> <p> <span> - Paulo Coelho, Eleven Minutes </span> </p> </div> Wed, 13 Sep 2023 14:47:39 GMT https://www.desireokc.com/reawaken-your-desires thumbnail main image https://www.desireokc.com/gratitude-intetnions-bliss DesireOKC in Oklahoma City, OK provides holistic sex therapy, polyamorous coaching, adult sex education, and sensual massages. Call us at 405-420-7877. <div data-rss-type="text"> <h2> <span> Gratitude, Intetnions, Bliss <br/> </span> </h2> </div> <div data-rss-type="text"> <p> <span> A few years ago I started a morning ritual of stating gratitude, desires and intentions daily. Since adopting this daily routine, I’ve found a profound sense of empowerment and control over my life and my future. I am in control of my life and my future. I have several things every day I am grateful for. I am grateful to be free. I am free to speak my truth. Foremost among the things I’m grateful for is my beautiful family, especially my wonderful daughters, who truly are exceptional. It warms my heart to hear praises from teachers, doctors, friends and others about them. I feel gratitude for the opportunity to nurture and love them with both knowledge and compassion. </span> </p> <p> <span> <br/> </span> </p> <p> <span> <span> My trip to London was, in the most simplest of words, blissful. I met so many like minded angels and formed the connections and partnerships I desired. I’m so grateful to everyone who held space for me, worked with me, and helped to heal me from blocks I have been fighting for many years. I felt so loved, seen and accepted by all of these beautiful people. And I have to say the diversity I witnessed in this class made my heart smile. People from all over the world came together to learn, connect, and love (agape).  </span> </span> </p> <p> <span> <br/> </span> </p> <p> <span> I feel renewed, refreshed and back to my old self. The younger me; before I shut myself off to the world. I am confident in all I do. I have been doing this work for years and now I know 100% I am meant to bring this work to Oklahoma along with my other training. This is a special time. The world is opening up to holistic and spiritual healing. I have been training for this for years, some would say my whole life. I feel loved, seen, nurtured, held and free. Free to be my truest self. I am officially a certified Tantra Practitioner and Shaman and I’m elated to incorporate my newfound wisdom into my classes and practice. </span> </p> <p> <span> <br/> </span> </p> <p> <span> Intentionality has become a cornerstone of my daily life. As a coach, I prioritize self-care by practicing yoga, immersing myself in the wisdom of influential figures, and spending time with friends who offer valuable insights into the world of business. My days are planned to ensure that I make the most of my time, except when I’m onvacation, where spontaneity is most important. I am committed to taking care of my mental health and ensuring I get the sleep I need to operate at my best. I started with just one intentional act a day, understanding the importance of setting achievable goals. </span> </p> <p> <br/> </p> <p> <span> As a result of these practices, I’ve developed a more positive outlook on life and my place in it. I’ve gained confidence in my role as a therapist and coach, to the point where I’ve welcomed other practitioners into my company. I’ve even expanded my horizons to explore aspects of play and sexual exploration that were once mere fantasies. </span> </p> <p> <span> <br/> </span> </p> <p> <span> How do you incorporate intentionality into your daily routine? What rituals or practices do you do with intention? </span> </p> </div> <div> <img src="https://irp.cdn-website.com/6fa5e416/dms3rep/multi/DesireOKC_Blogs2.png" alt=""/> </div> <div data-rss-type="text"> <h3> <span> “If brains could have orgasms, I'm pretty sure this was what it would feel like.” </span> <span> <br/> </span> </h3> </div> <div data-rss-type="text"> <p> <span> - Cora Carmack, Losing It </span> </p> </div> Wed, 13 Sep 2023 13:45:47 GMT https://www.desireokc.com/gratitude-intetnions-bliss thumbnail main image https://www.desireokc.com/i-dress-for-myself DesireOKC in Oklahoma City, OK provides holistic sex therapy, polyamorous coaching, adult sex education, and sensual massages. Call us at 405-420-7877. <div data-rss-type="text"> <h2> <span> Find Pleasure in Dressing Sexy for Yourself <br/> </span> </h2> </div> <div data-rss-type="text"> <p> <span> Awakening with a sultry zest and a heart full of glee, It’s such a wonderful day when I can wake in this state of mind. The morning air was crisp and cool. The wind chims played a beautiful song for me. The birds chirping. I was delighted. </span> </p> <p> <span> <br/> </span> </p> <p> <span> Stepping into my closet, my gaze alights upon the blue lace lingerie, an instant yearning washing over me. I pluck it, pressing it against my skin, as I look in the mirror. A smile dancing upon my lips, “Today, I wear this for myself,” I decide, my eyes fall upon a modest black dress perfectly tailored for me. Taking my time, I dress in lingerie and do my make-up and hair. A spritz of my newfound elixir, I stand, admiring myself. The shed pounds and newfound diet have bestowed upon me an effulgent vitality, a radiance that others can’t help but notice. I am full of gratification. Before draping myself in the ebony gown, I capture the moment, a snapshot of self-love, and send it to my lover, a silent invitation. </span> </p> <p> <span> <br/> </span> </p> <p> <span> As a Sex, Intimacy and Relationship Coach I have been talking a lot about the value in seeking pleasure through out every day. I have often told people I dress for myself, not for men. This isn’t to say I won’t dress for a man. There are days I get giddy about my lover picking my clothes for me. I love dressing for him. However, 99% of the time, I am dressing for myself. To feel good, comfortable, and sexy or elegant. I dress for me. I often encourage my female clients to wear sexy lingerie under their normal clothing to help them come into their feminine and sexual energy. To be honest, I rarely wear undergarments, especially panties, but as I have been growing more comfortable in my own skin. I have sought pleasure in sexy teddies, corsets, and other lingerie. I find I love soft cottons, lace, leather, satin, all. </span> </p> <p> <span> <br/> </span> </p> <p> <span> I implore you entertain the notion of slipping into something a touch more titillating each day, solely for your own delight. Revel in the array of options, and let your heart, not your partner’s gaze, be your guide. I give you permission to heed the siren call of your inner temptress, to derive pleasure from the allure beneath your daily garb. For it’s a pleasure meant for you and you alone. </span> </p> </div> <div> <img src="https://irp.cdn-website.com/6fa5e416/dms3rep/multi/DesireOKC_Blogs14.png" alt=""/> </div> <div data-rss-type="text"> <h3> <span> <span> "To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance." </span> </span> <span> <br/> </span> </h3> </div> <div data-rss-type="text"> <p> <span> - Oscar Wilde </span> </p> </div> Wed, 13 Sep 2023 11:11:37 GMT https://www.desireokc.com/i-dress-for-myself thumbnail main image