I Dress For Myself

The last two weeks have been a deep unraveling for me. I’ve been letting go of the fear that I’m “manipulating people on a sales call” or “causing harm.” It wasn’t easy. I was flooded with conflicting thoughts. But here’s what I realized: I don’t need to say or do anything manipulative, salesy, or coercive. At all. My issue with sales calls is simple: People are taught to use scripts, “transformational coaching language,” and “unconscious belief” tactics to pressure people into buying programs they’re not ready for. I refuse to do that. What I’ve seen is this: When someone is truly ready for spiritual, erotic, or somatic growth work, they don’t push back on my fee. They don’t need convincing. They eagerly pay to learn the skills I teach. And in the last two weeks? I sold four intensives I was invited to speak at a retreat I didn’t use a single manipulative tactic All I did was: Answer their questions Validate their struggle and their desires Tell them how I could help Assume they were going to buy Ask, “How many hours do you want, and when?” Two intensives were 12 hours each. One was 2 hours. One was 4 hours. No pressure. No scripts. No shame. Just alignment. This is what happens when I work the way I’m meant to work. I’m in true alignment with my values and my clients. I’m attracting people who are ready to invest in themselves without being pushed. I’m happier than I’ve ever been. I’m relaxed. I’m in flow.  And I’m going to keep showing up in my authentic way — because it works.

About five years ago, I looked around and saw everyone shouting the same thing: Make more money. Make more money. UGH. Yes, we all want money — but is that really the true desire?  That year, without even realizing it, I made $180,000. I was seeing an average of 35 clients a week, with 40–45 on the books. People late-canceled, no-showed, and I was exhausted. I wasn’t happy. I didn’t feel successful. I didn’t even know I’d made that much money until I did my taxes the next year. I was grasping at what I thought I valued: money and success. But those aren’t my values at all. My real values? Freedom. Authenticity. Generosity. Love and connection. Being of service. Empowering others. So I decided maybe I wanted to “work smarter, not harder.” I hired my first business coach. Turns out… she had a one-size-fits-all approach. It was a major waste of money. But I did learn something important: what doesn’t work for me. I often get clarity from the unaligned suggestions people give me. That contrast is useful. I also learned that most business coaches and social media experts have no idea how to market my work. I’m the one telling them what keywords to use. They make big promises and don’t follow through. How many times have I heard, “I’ll personally help you build your funnels,” only to receive templates for chiropractors and medspas? Umm… what? And funnels? I have yet to see one actually work for my kind of work. What I’ve learned over the last five years I don’t want to work with large groups. It drains me. My classes will never be more than 10 people in person, and online I cap at 20. I want to offer individual care, not mass-produced transformation. My desire for freedom, authenticity, and grace shapes how I work and who I attract. I entered a greedy stage for a while — and it blocked me. Generosity is one of my core values. If I’m charging more than I’d pay for my own care, I’m out of alignment. I value a personal approach. I value meeting people where they are and gently helping them move beyond their resistance. I don’t need to manipulate anyone into buying my programs. My ideal clients are ready. They’re eager. They want to expand from desire and possibility, not fear and pressure. I’m not solving problems for people — I’m empowering them to find pleasure, confidence, and self-advocacy. I teach people to have a relationship with sensation and pleasure. To love themselves. To speak their desires in ways that invite connection. My ultimate desire is for my clients to feel as good in their bodies and about their sexual expression as I do. There’s no monetary value you can place on that. People tell me I’ll never be rich. That my revenue will always be limited. They say it like it’s an insult — like I’m a silly woman. I disagree. I am rich in life and love. I am rich in my lack of internalized shame and regret. And that is worth more than any funnel.