Lessons in Motherhood

"You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them."

- Maya Angelou

This weeks' blog post is dedicated to my wonderful daughter, Karisma Rain. Having you in my life brings me immense joy and I am forever grateful. You're not only one of my best friends but also a wonderful daughter to your momma.

Reflecting on my journey as a parent, I acknowledge that I wasn't perfect. Rain, in her candid way, often reminds me of this. She keeps me honest, holding up a mirror to my moments of anger and selfishness. She lets me know what I missed, and when work took precedence over family, she spoke up. I cherish her for that.

I dedicated many years to building my practice, striving to be the best mom I could be, though I didn't always get it right. My focus wasn't always solely on them, but my intention was always to provide them with everything they needed, and a little extra. My daughters might tell you I spoiled them a bit and made them a little bit bougie. I'm perfectly fine with that. My mother used to say I raised each of them as if they were the only child, and that was deliberate. I wanted them all to feel deeply loved, and I understood that the same approach wouldn't work for each one. In my eyes, my daughters were my partners in life. We cooked together, planned together, and I always factored them into major life decisions. More often than not, they came before friends, romantic partners, and other people—perhaps not always before my career.

We learned from each other, respecting each person's idiosyncrasies. It seemed like everyone in our household had some sensory sensitivity, and together, we worked to make everyone feel at ease. I realize Rain may have been overlooked at times. She wasn't as vocal about her needs or desires. She didn't always allow herself to ask for much, even when I was offering. She's reserved like that.

My kids taught me that it's possible to love more than one person deeply. They showed me how some people silence themselves to avoid making others uncomfortable, and that anger often masks deeper emotions. They taught me that anxious people may not always be rational, and that not everything is about me. It's okay to be a little selfish at times. They emphasized the importance of listening over always having a solution, and that even the most seemingly honest people can tell a lie.

A mother truly needs eyes in the back of her head. Tone of voice can reveal a wealth of emotions and should never be used as a weapon against someone's feelings. Reacting impulsively is rarely the best course of action. Playing the victim often perpetuates a cycle of victimhood. They showed me that people might not always ask for what they need in a relationship out of fear of being a burden or causing conflict.

Rain, you've taught me that silence doesn't always equate to contentment or happiness. When I work with couples, I often draw on the dynamics of parenting to illuminate aspects of their relationship. In many ways, managing a relationship with my children isn't all that different from my adult relationships. I treat my kids with the same level of respect as I would any adult. Happy Birthday, my dear Karisma Rain Danker! You are a cherished light in my life.

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Why I Don’t “Do” Sales Calls — And Why My Clients Still Say Yes

17 March 2026

The last two weeks have been a deep unraveling for me. I’ve been letting go of the fear that I’m “manipulating people on a sales call” or “causing harm.” It wasn’t easy. I was flooded with conflicting thoughts. But here’s what I realized: I don’t need to say or do anything manipulative, salesy, or coercive. At all. My issue with sales calls is simple: People are taught to use scripts, “transformational coaching language,” and “unconscious belief” tactics to pressure people into buying programs they’re not ready for. I refuse to do that. What I’ve seen is this: When someone is truly ready for spiritual, erotic, or somatic growth work, they don’t push back on my fee. They don’t need convincing. They eagerly pay to learn the skills I teach. And in the last two weeks? I sold four intensives I was invited to speak at a retreat I didn’t use a single manipulative tactic All I did was: Answer their questions Validate their struggle and their desires Tell them how I could help Assume they were going to buy Ask, “How many hours do you want, and when?” Two intensives were 12 hours each. One was 2 hours. One was 4 hours. No pressure. No scripts. No shame. Just alignment. This is what happens when I work the way I’m meant to work. I’m in true alignment with my values and my clients. I’m attracting people who are ready to invest in themselves without being pushed. I’m happier than I’ve ever been. I’m relaxed. I’m in flow. And I’m going to keep showing up in my authentic way — because it works.

When “Make More Money” Became the Wrong Goal

17 March 2026

About five years ago, I looked around and saw everyone shouting the same thing: Make more money. Make more money. UGH. Yes, we all want money — but is that really the true desire? That year, without even realizing it, I made $180,000. I was seeing an average of 35 clients a week, with 40–45 on the books. People late-canceled, no-showed, and I was exhausted. I wasn’t happy. I didn’t feel successful. I didn’t even know I’d made that much money until I did my taxes the next year. I was grasping at what I thought I valued: money and success. But those aren’t my values at all. My real values? Freedom. Authenticity. Generosity. Love and connection. Being of service. Empowering others. So I decided maybe I wanted to “work smarter, not harder.” I hired my first business coach. Turns out… she had a one-size-fits-all approach. It was a major waste of money. But I did learn something important: what doesn’t work for me. I often get clarity from the unaligned suggestions people give me. That contrast is useful. I also learned that most business coaches and social media experts have no idea how to market my work. I’m the one telling them what keywords to use. They make big promises and don’t follow through. How many times have I heard, “I’ll personally help you build your funnels,” only to receive templates for chiropractors and medspas? Umm… what? And funnels? I have yet to see one actually work for my kind of work. What I’ve learned over the last five years I don’t want to work with large groups. It drains me. My classes will never be more than 10 people in person, and online I cap at 20. I want to offer individual care, not mass-produced transformation. My desire for freedom, authenticity, and grace shapes how I work and who I attract. I entered a greedy stage for a while — and it blocked me. Generosity is one of my core values. If I’m charging more than I’d pay for my own care, I’m out of alignment. I value a personal approach. I value meeting people where they are and gently helping them move beyond their resistance. I don’t need to manipulate anyone into buying my programs. My ideal clients are ready. They’re eager. They want to expand from desire and possibility, not fear and pressure. I’m not solving problems for people — I’m empowering them to find pleasure, confidence, and self-advocacy. I teach people to have a relationship with sensation and pleasure. To love themselves. To speak their desires in ways that invite connection. My ultimate desire is for my clients to feel as good in their bodies and about their sexual expression as I do. There’s no monetary value you can place on that. People tell me I’ll never be rich. That my revenue will always be limited. They say it like it’s an insult — like I’m a silly woman. I disagree. I am rich in life and love. I am rich in my lack of internalized shame and regret. And that is worth more than any funnel.

Sacrifice

by Charity Danker • 28 March 2024

As a relationship therapist and coach, I often encounter stories from both men and women who feel victimized by their partners. While some cases involve genuine harm, many examples revolve around self-imposed sacrifices—acts made without the other person even requesting them. I frequently hear about unspoken truths and unexpressed desires. Women often use the word “sacrifice”, claiming they’ve given up so much for their partners. However, when asked whether their partner explicitly requested these sacrifices, they usually admit that no such request was made. In reality, their partners didn’t deny their desires; the women denied themselves. They chose to: Reduce contact with friends to prioritize family time. Forego careers or education due to perceived limitations. Avoid playing favorite songs because of their partner’s preferences. Why do we interpret someone's dislike of our choices as a mandate to change our entire lives? Some women inadvertently limit themselves based on others' preferences and then blame those others. Here’s the truth; no one forces you to change–you made that choice. As mothers, we must indeed need to be loving, attentive, nurturing, and supportive. However, this does not mean sacrificing our individuality. Our music, clothing, and entertainment preferences are a part of who we are. Let’s reject the notion that being a good parent requires suppressing our truest selves.

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